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　じしf_, )ノ

So I've just had the worst weekend ever.

I was given a gorgeous 7wk old kitten on the 20th Oct as a birthday present. I was ecstatic as I'd been looking for a pet for a while and it was a lovely surprise.
Right from the start, she was so loving and sweet. Seriously, she had the most beautiful temperament you could hope for, an all-round amazing little girl.

Over the next ten days I doted on her. During the day we'd play for hours and she'd follow me around the flat meowing, upset if I left the room. Often she'd climb right up my trousers, uop my shirt and would sit on my shoulder as I did the housework or when we had visitors.

After a few days, I noticed she was a little constipated so I took her down to the vet, who told me to try feeding her a formula milk specifically for nursing young animals (Lactol) so I was up every 5hrs day and night bottle-feeding her. She loved the stuff, and as soon as she saw me preparing a feed she'd meow like crazy and climb up me to get onto the kitchen counter to get at it. She always made me laugh, often finding myself having conversations with her.

All was well until last Friday (30th October) when I came back from work at 17:30 and bottle-fed her at 18:00. All was normal, after her feed we played with her jingly ball and dangly feather toy. So 23:00 I made her another bottle as usual and tried to feed her, but she was having none of it so after trying for 20mins I thought I'll leave her a while.

An hour later, after a sleep she got up and slowly crawled across the floor before collapsing. I rang the vet in a state and he told me to wrap her up warm and bring her down to the vet surgery and he'd take a look at her. After checking her over, he told me she was in a coma- totally out of it and he'd take her back to his home to watch her through the night and put her on a drip to get some fluids into her. Also that if he saw any signs she was suffering, he'd call for the authority to put her to sleep.

After a sleepless night waiting for that call, it never came. And at 09:30 Halloween morning he phoned to tell me she was out of the coma, and walking around in the transport cage he'd placed her in. He didn't know what caused the coma, all he could suggest was that it was likely to have been a meningitis-like infection that caused her brain to swell. She'd begun to eat and drink on her own and he was confident that if she continued to improve I could bring her home later that afternoon. But, there was a complication...Due to reasons we don't know, whilst in the coma she lost her sight. She was blind.

I was at work that afternoon, so I got a friend of mine to pick her up for me as the surgery would be closed by the time I'd finished. After finishing my shift, I ran home and rang the buzzer (Neil had taken my keys to get in) and there was a long silence before the door was opened which instantly worried me. I got into the living room and he told me not to bother taking off my boots and as I looked down at her I could see why...

She was crawling round in circles, shaking and making involuntary movements...Having violent fits 30-40secs apart. Making some awful sounds; screaming meows, a gutteral growling and indistinguishable shrieks. There was a point where she clamped both paws on her head screaming and banging it against the floor. She was in so much pain.

It was insane, completely insane.

Once again, the vet was called and we ran her down to the surgery. She'd lost control of her bladder, and was very quiet as we took her out of the carry case. After reeling off details of the fits she'd been having Neil, the vet and I all looked at each other and knew what had to be done. As the vet was preparing the paperwork I had a moment with her, telling her how sorry I was that our time together was so short, and that I had to do what was to come because of how much I love her. I just couldn't bear to see her suffer.
Because of her small size, there was no chance of the vet finding a vein, so he had to go through her heart to put her to sleep. She made one final gutteral scream and in a split second, it was all over. She was gone.

Neil and I were distraught, and held each other and cried. There was no warning, less than 24hrs after her falling ill, she was gone. The vet was visibly upset, as they had tried everything they could to help her. The vet was very respectful and understanding. He asked what we wanted to do with the body and straight away without hesitation I asked for her to be cremated and her ashes brought home. A total cost of £168- The money isn't an issue, I don't care I have £9 left for the entire month. She always came first.

I had her for 10 days, and in that short time it felt like forever, it really did. And it's unbelievable now how much I miss her monstering around. I miss her climbing into my bed and settling down on my arm, burying her face under my neck and falling asleep. I miss her meowing as I left for work, and how happy she was when I came back and we'd play for hours. She made everything so much more pleasurable, the days seemed longer and brighter...Happy. And looking back, our time together was nowhere near long enough.

It was only tonight, when I allowed Neil to empty her water bowl and put all her toys/blankets and things in a box...I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept seeing something black and white out of the corner of my eyes and was elated suddenly thinking it was her coming out from hiding near the sofa.

*sigh*

What to do now?

P.s, I'll be posting a pic of her shortly, got so many great ones.